Category: His story

Progressive Hope part 2

I have not posted in a while because things have been good. I am not the same person I was when I started this journey in 2019. I have resolved the childhood trauma that kept me stuck in my addiction. It still happened, but it is in the past now. I have a new healthy marriage and a better relationship with my wife. Life still throws challenges at me, but I have learned to deal with them in a healthy, mature way. My wife occasionally gets triggered, but I have the maturity and empathy to hold her pain.

This journey was not easy and there are no shortcuts or magic bullets. I choose to be a better person and husband every day. I have replaced my maladaptive coping skills with new healthy habits. I see people as people and not as objects. God did not create us in His image except with a defect that causes us to objectify women. Anyone who still believes this is still using the addict brain. There is hope to be free of this addiction, but there must be change. No one can do this on their own or just pray it away. You must want to change and become the husband that your wife married you for. You need the help of a therapist, preferably a CSAT. You need the community of other men to stand together. You need time to develop new habits to replace the old destructive habits. I have also become a better father to my daughter and a better grandfather to my grandchildren.

Update

By JP

It has been too long since I have shared my thoughts. I have become a different person and I like the person that I have become. My journey through recovery continues but it looks different now. Life is still challenging but I no longer deal with it in an unhealthy way. I love my wife more than ever, but the pain that I have caused her is still sometimes there. It makes me sad to see her hurting. She still has questions and there will never be a day when there are none. My addiction and what it did will always be a part of who I was, but it will never define who I am. I am still in counseling and I probably will always be. My only group now is my church men’s small group. We meet as men and share our experiences, thoughts, and feelings. I have a vision of a hopeful future where I can help other men defeat this addiction and live the life that God designed us for.

Sunday – Trust

By JP

Day 7 of my week of every day posts and today I want to talk about trust. My addiction destroyed trust. I didn’t even trust myself. I know that the trust my wife had before my addiction came out is long gone and will never come back. My wife will never trust me the same naive way that she did in the past. I have accepted that she has a different trust now.

Continue reading “Sunday – Trust” →

Saturday – Change

By JP

It’s day 6 of my week of daily blog posts. Today I’m going to talk about change. Change is one of the hardest things to do. It is never too late to make the necessary changes in your life.

It doesn’t matter how many years you have been enslaved by your addiction. Change is always possible if you truly want it. You must be willing to let go of all the unhealthy habits that fuel your addiction. It will not be easy, but as long as you keep moving forward you can change your life for the better. I am not the same person that I used to be. I’m a better person and better husband now.

Friday – Faith

By JP

It’s day 5 of my week of every day posts and I want to write about faith. My faith is stronger than ever now. But that was not always the case. I let my addiction not only get between me and my wife, but also between me and my faith. It drove a wedge between my belief in God and made me doubt His love. I rediscovered my faith in 2014 and I was baptized. My faith was stronger than my addiction. I wish I could say that I prayed it away, but it doesn’t work that way. I never dealt with the root cause of my addiction and it slowly crept back in. By 2019, my faith was severely lacking. I believed that I was bad and there was no hope for me. In this state my addiction thrived with my false beliefs.

I don’t know the exact point that it changed, but once I made the choice to change, my faith became stronger each day. I realized that I could never pray it away, but I could pray for strength to seek help. I found a 12 step group. I found a therapist to help me resolve the root cause of my addiction. I found other Godly men. Throughout my journey God put people in my path that helped me fight this addiction and change the man that I once was.

Wednesday – Maturity

By JP

Day 3 and I am going to write about my maturity. I was a full grown adult man so why wasn’t I mature? Once the fog of my of my addiction was lifted and I got to the root cause, I realized the truth. My early exposure to porn stunted my maturity. Instead of maturing in a normal manner, I became stuck at about 13. My body changed but my mind did not.

Continue reading “Wednesday – Maturity” →

Monday – What is my outlook on life today?

I told my wife that I was going to write a post every day this week. I had no specific topic. I just wanted to write about what ever came to my heart.

I’m not the same person that I was 2 years ago. I have resolved my childhood trauma and it has no power over me. I try to be a better person and better husband everyday. My life is better than it has ever been. I love my wife more than ever. I have a positive connection with my daughter and my granddaughter. I am more mature as a man and I no longer have poor coping skills. I am not too proud to admit when I am wrong. I have a good job where I can have a positive influence on people.

Life has its challenges, but I am able to face them and deal with them in a healthy manner. I know that there is freedom from this addiction and nothing will ever make me want to return to that broken way of living. My journey has not been easy, but nothing worthwhile ever is. I want to be able to share my message of hope and freedom to all those who want to change their lives.